A Little Home

When this year started I honestly would not have been able to predict anything that would have happened this year, not that any of us could but I am also beyond thankful for this years’ experiences. Now I am not going to tell you it was easy, in fact this year brought so many challenges that were beyond what I thought I was even capable of achieving.

In the past when I have journaled for myself, I start by writing out all the hard things, all the challenges, all the things that made me angry or depressed or defeated. So I will also do that here. I was told once by a therapist that sometimes you just have to dump it in order to process it. So here it is y’all:

I started 2020 without my Mom and that truly sucked
The COVID pandemic threw me for the biggest loop as it did for everyone. I lost childcare, I worked two jobs from home, I couldn’t see friends or family, and I had to reschedule some many weddings. All this had extreme anxiety
I started PA school with children at home and had to cross out with black ink all my my expectations
My husband and I decided he should take an assignment moving him nearly 5,000 miles away. I took on the role of sole caregiver of our two kiddos.
In September my cat, Bandit, was hit and killed by a car. Which is life, but I also bought him right after my mother died and had probably an unhealthy attachment to the little orange fur ball.
My life was overtaken by school and work and my relationships outside the house felt non-existent. It was hard watching (on social media of course) my friends enjoying free time. Seeing other photographers have time to edit and deliver galleries in two days. and honestly I would cry a little bit when I felt I couldn’t answers inquires fast enough and might lose a sale because other aspects of my life had to take momentary priority.
There were days I feel like I failed as an artists. My peers were posting and moving on while I would have days were I wouldn’t even touch my camera. I felt left behind and defeated.

So there it is in a nutshell because there is no use wallowing but instead focusing on the amazing things that totally outweigh the really shitty. So I guess let’s start at the beginning since it has been a while since I posted. ( yes, I know I always say that). Well I was able to spend a ton of time with my family when the pandemic hit, like way more than I though possible. It turned into a blessing since, once school started I spent nearly 9+hours in front of a computer learning. I was able to create some awesome memories with my kiddos. Our family also decided it was time to start looking for a home. We needed a place that was spacious and able to allow us to stay home without losing our minds. It was our goal to maintain our mental and physical health this year.

Now this entire decision was really hard. I was house shopping, while taking care of kiddos, running a business and starting school. I may have gotten a little over my head. It also made me realize I am not the type of photographer to be on TIKTOK or do those IG reels. And major props to those who do, but I also want to be able to step away from social media and enjoy my family, focus on the priorities of family and running a business. I had to realize that being away from photography for days or away from my computer actually meant that I was doing something more meaningful. Anyway, it was a good wake up call and become all worth it when we found the perfect home for our family. A little home– A little A Frame home to be exact and just the right amount of room for freedom and comfort and the tire swing and sledding hill perfectly placed for my kids to grow up. It was a blessing and a hard journey to find this place but goodness I am loving it. It has allowed me to be more productive and balance my life.

Even though we found the perfect home, we also felt that there was a little piece missing. Just before moving in, we added the sweetest 4 month old kitten to our chaos. We welcomed Canon Thunderbolt. Okay first off, Canon was decided as photography is something I love and the only camera I need to be shooting is a Canon 😉 and well the thunderbolt… I blame the kids. Canon has been the perfect little healing kitten. He has the loudest purrs and is constantly around while I am working and doing school from home. We have absolutely loved his presence. He will never replace Bandit, but has helped our family feel a little more complete.

I think I will finish up on the fact that I have to count my blessings this year. I have bought a beautiful home, and adopted a kitten, and have FaceTime and internet and a wonderful business that I love and brings me joy. I have loved the life I have created and although I may not be the instagram famous photographer or even the most talked about photographer, I understand life and I have learned to count my blessings. This year has honestly sucked and there is a lot I want to give up on from time to time, but 2021 will only bring new adventures and new memories. I will meet new people, and new clients will become friends, my kids will grow older and my husband is one year closer to coming home, and I will grow stronger and hopefully smarter. I will one step closer to graduating PA school and having maybe some more free time, but also knowing that life adapts and changes and who know what the future will hold.